Only one thing stands in our way: the political will as well
as precision of thought, and let us not forget what might be referred to as that
quality which is known as a clarity of expression.
New plans
That's why we are introducing our new plans. They form part
of the Government's wide-ranging sweeping reforms which will overturn and build
on the successful wide-ranging and sweeping reforms we introduced last year.
One of the problems with the successful old reforms was that
people were uncertain of their position within society. Furthermore we are faced
with the need to reformulate our, and by our I mean your, civil liberties in the
context of a world where our, and by our I mean my, authority is under threat
and where that threat is clearly and without a shadow of doubt, you. We want to
change that by screening the population and assigning you, the person, a position
in society based on objective rules rather than wishy-washy ideas about aspiration
and hope.
New process
This new process will be known as Serf Assessment.
The first step in this process will involve a series of short interviews to determine
whether you are exempt from applying. These interviews will occur at DoSS offices
in London over the course of the next few weeks.
People attending from outside the Home Counties will be allowed
into the application office after inspections for head lice. Applicants using
foul language outside the context of a discussion about art will be issued vouchers
for oven chips and asked to leave.
We do commend these changes to you and I do hope you approve
of them, because your future is certainly bleak if you do not. One can't make
an omellete without cracking eggs, after all. Now all that's left for me to do
is to beat one off."
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