For your own safety and psychiatric wellbeing, please read the following terms and conditions carefully.

Definitions.

These terms and conditions (hereinafter referred to as 'terms and conditions') form part of a contract between you (hereinafter referred to as 'you') and us (hereinafter referred to as 'Sir').

Jurisdiction.

For legal purposes, this contract shall be governed by the Laws of Canasta.

Privacy policy.

Information that you share with us may be used, at our discretion, by other Government Departments, other Governments, intelligence organisations, local councils, the Post Office, your neighbours, your friends, colleagues, business partners and lovers. This is what we mean by Open Government.

Additionally, we may, in times of National Emergency, take out newspaper adverts featuring a picture of you as a child with a caption that reads: "Member of the Axis of Evil" or "Escaped Loony".